You know you’ve been a Product Manager too long when you start to think of everything in terms of what your offerings are. (HA! I jest, I love being a Product Manager, no regrets there.) And in general, it’s a lot less frustrating to think of how you can help other people rather than how other people can help you. After all, the natural tendency of humans is to be innately selfish because it is simply easier to see the universe through your own eyes than through the eyes of others. By trying to anticipate the needs of others, you have automatically differentiated yourself.
I was hanging out with one of my female friends, talking about things. Which, for me, is talking about sex because it’s just so damn fascinating. It’s still a bit of a taboo subject, which of course means I have to poll people to see what they really think. She was talking about a friend of hers who is approx. 30 and complaining about how hard it is to date – because she feels she has to do all the work. There’s been a lot of hand-wringing about hook-up culture and how Tinder is ruining us. I’m not convinced about that, and not just because my anecdotal existence refutes that – I truly believe you change your reality by what you choose to focus on. So if you are looking for a “hot guy” with the six-pack abs and are on something like Tinder where all you can judge on is a photo – well, then, you get judged back. Not to be crass, but pretty faces attached to a vagina are a dime a dozen, especially when you’re young. It’s the same for men, except that most young men can handle a one-night stand far better than most women.
So if the sex part is easy, why bother having a relationship? Because, yeah, sex is pretty fun in its own right, but it’s like eating junk food. Eventually you want something more, something substantial. Something healthy and good for you. And what’s good? Even for the young hot men who mostly grow up eventually? That holy grail of true connection. Of being one, of being true and naked, not just in the physical sense. Because it’s not just women who want the security that love can bring. Sexual healing is a real thing, if you can bear to be that vulnerable. But to get there it often involves showing your cards, letting the chips fall where they may, knowing that regardless of the outcome – acceptance or rejection – that you will still be okay. That acceptance is great and that rejection is just clarity into a different direction. And that takes a different love; self-love to stand alone and sit with yourself. It takes connection into the greater good and stillness within to listen.
Our hunger to connect cannot exist without that first acceptance of ourselves, flawed as we may be. The greatest thing we have to give is ourselves without giving ourselves away.