We realized late last night (we being my brother and I) that we never called my parents yesterday. Yeah, we suck. And my mom didn’t call us either. She was probably doing an experiment to see if we would call. Yep, probably failed that test too.
In my defense, all day yesterday was spent cleaning, cooking, or taking care of the the baby. People were here until 5:00 pm, then Nova decided she wanted to be with me and only me for the next few hours, and after we got her to be I promptly fell asleep on the couch at 8:00 pm. Go me. Oh well, there’ll be some penance today.
But in other news, as usual I love my first born daughter, not the least of which because she’s so funny. Today’s quotes from Rowan:
“When I poop, and it happens every time, my legs get all goosepimply and my head feels like Frankstein’s head.”
“Look Daddy, I can see my uvula!” (Yeah, I had no idea that word was part of her vocabulary.)
I didn’t end up doing too much this year, we made a turkey (I did brine it per my usual), mashed potatoes, gravy, and sausage stuffing for Iain. Iain and I are split on the sides, I love mashed potatoes and gravy and he’s not a big fan. I make stuffing/dressing because Iain insists but I never touch the stuff. And then the family brought other sides and Shawn’s girlfriend brought some rockin’ pies. And wine, a girl after my own heart. We had a nice time and the funny thing is that while we had company, Nova was really good. She had been kind of a pill in the morning, but apparently she likes lots of attention, so that worked out. But note to myself–I need more chairs.
So I went to work and came home after an hour. Yay me, I’m sick. I think the stress of training has finally gotten to me because all I’ve been doing is watching Angel and trying to clean. I went to pick up a few things from the grocery store (mostly tea for me, sausage for Iain’s sausage stuffing, and cream for coffee which I make when he’s around) but since then I simply came home and vegged.
So yeah, I’m doing a little back dating here, but I do not feel well. Great timing with Thanksgiving and all. Luckily Nova has been doing really well lately, working on her walking. 🙂
We will be scattering Don’s ashes on Saturday, by the way.
So it is Monday, and Thanksgiving is Thursday, and I am so not ready. I actually don’t know what I’m making besides turkey, mashed potatoes, and stuffing. Maybe some squash. Shawn’s girlfriend is going to bring pie, so that’s taken care of.
My brother has been down in the dumps and I don’t know if I can help him. I usually don’t say anything, because let’s face it, who really wants unsolicited advice? It’s so odd because he had a lot more fun in his high school years than I did, he didn’t want for pals. But romantically, I have fared far better than he. It might be because I’m a girl–after all, Leif seemed to like me in my little witch dress the night we met at the Cardinal. And I like dressing up. But my brother–well, he needs an older brother to give him some advice or something on girls. Starting with the whole “go ask them out” thing first.
Though it’s had it’s ups and downs these past few months, I feel like change was good for me. Even if ultimately it isn’t my final path (and chances are it’s too early in my life to be my final path) the challenges of doing something different have been good for me. And on the family front, I know how lucky I am. I enjoy the company of my husband, I enjoy the company of my kids (mostly 😉 I want my brother to be happy too.
I often wonder what my purpose in life is. I know it’s an assumption to believe I have one, but I believe we all have one–it’s just some may be more extreme than others. I’m rediscovering that I am attracted to extreme, but I’m not really that extreme.
Friends of ours had a baby recently (there’s been a lot of that going around). They’re probably going to be the best parents ever. They are centered and grounded and eternally optimistic and I am ashamed to admit that I sometimes wish I was one of them, instead of me. I still just don’t get why I’m here.
Not that I’m not grateful, because I am. I put Nova down to sleep and she woke right up and screamed. I waited a bit and then went to her, and to see that pink face peering over the crib–tonight, I was not annoyed. I picked her up and held her small body and gave thanks to the stars that I am so lucky to have her. Yet I am not always like this. I love my kids–but I don’t feel that my purpose is to be a mom. It’s part of the experience of life that I chose, and I don’t regret it. But I also don’t want to bust out eight babies or anything.
And then sometimes I perform thought experiments, such as–if I were really really rich, what would I do? And my answers are all terribly shallow, like throw really expensive dinner parties for all my friends with really awesome food, and travel to exotic locales and buy a house with a yoga studio. And then I can’t think of anything else. Oh, and I’d buy myself a bootcamp instructor who would whip me into shape so that I could do one-handed pushups. So I can think of one more thing, but the point is, it’s all very inward focused. I don’t really want to go and feed starving children in Ethiopia.
Actually, what I’d probably do is go back to school because I just love learning stuff. I’d probably rack up ten degrees. Astrophysics with a minor in Japanese, perhaps. Art with a minor in Biomedical Engineering. Finish up the coursework in electron microscopy. The one thing that has always been constant is that I love to learn anything that I didn’t know before, the weirder the better. But I can’t see how me increasing my repository of information particularly helps anyone.
So tonight is just me and Nova. Rowan is at Grandma’s and Leif is having a boys night out. Yesterday Leif went over to his mom’s to help clean it out. I don’t know, there’s something about being elderly that leads to buying in bulk, sometimes to an absurd degree. There was a freezer in the basement, just stocked with tons of food. His mom asked him to take some, so now we have three gallons of ice-cream we didn’t have before. I am doing my best to celebrate Don’s memory by eating some of his favorite ice-cream. 🙂 But I really wish Leif didn’t feel it necessary to bring home 1,000 bandaids. Sadly, I wish I was joking, but it’s actually closer to 2,000, about 20 boxes of 100 ea.
The family’s been okay with his passing, so that’s good. Thanksgiving will be strange, that’s for sure.
This has been a pretty intense year, but all in all good changes. Even my father-in-law–we of course miss him, but he was in a lot of pain. I am glad he no longer has to go through all that. He was never really afraid of death either. But there’s something about humans that doesn’t like to say goodbye to something for good. Especially in this digital age, where so much of the past remains alive, the idea that something is gone for good–well, it’s that whole loss thing.
My old job is gone and now I’m doing something else. Even Nova–she’s no longer a tiny baby, soon to be a toddler and possibly the last grandchild on both sides. But that is life, constant change. It is only human nature to cling to the familiar, even if it wasn’t working that well. I feel pretty good about where my life is going.