Today is Iain’s birthday, and I went to see him after class at his usual hangout.  He turns 30 today, and it is his last smoking day.  He quits tomorrow.  I am glad I enjoy his company so much–the more I find out about people, the more I see that every family is different.  Being related by blood does not  necessarily mean one is family.  Sometimes the family we choose has far more impact, but I am glad he is my brother.

I was feeling a little down today as the day started out.  Well, for one thing I tossed my cookies after breakfast and ended up so jittery and wobbly I was amazed I made it to work.  And the rest of the day I felt slightly nauseous.  Stupid really, I ignored one of my triggers and paid the price, ugh.

And the other thing is that I’ve had to put my practice time with my dance troupe on hold.  I have too many things going and a couple of issues that won’t be resolved for another few weeks or so.  I just couldn’t give it my all, so I had to bow out of performing at Triangle Fest.  After regular practice, I left when I would have normally gone to the troupe practice immediately afterward.  😦  I know I made the right decision for right now, but I feel horribly guilty.  It just seems like I do this all the time–two steps forward, one step back.  Progress in never linear for me.

But I was glad to see Iain in good spirits (ha, bad pun) and his friends are pretty nice.  And I was approached about making some kilts at some point.  I haven’t done a sewing project for someone else for awhile, I might be able to take another one on–with breaks for pregnancy, of course.  I was flattered.

And another nice thing is that one of my favorite fan fiction writers has continued her story which is really, really good.  I love a good story, especially one with a favorite anime character of mine, whom I’ve been lusting after since I was 9 or so.  Yeah, I am that geeky.   Hey, I can’t be cool all the time!

Hot Goth Elves

So today I went and saw Hellboy II with Iain.  I hadn’t even really thought about seeing this movie, but due to MySpace and their incessant trailers I saw clips of Prince Nuada, i.e. Hot Goth Elf.  (I got Leif to come along by buying his ticket and telling him there was also a female Hot Goth Elf, Nuala) Plus, Guillermo del Toro directs, and I love his vision.

I really enjoyed it.  (I have not seen the first Hellboy, btw).  I liked the plot of Nuada fighting to keep his magical world alive and using violence because it was really the only chance he had to save it.  I loved the costumes and creatures, the movie made heavy use of puppetry, supplemented by CG to tweak it.   And del Toro is such a breath of fresh air in a Hollywood where it seems to all be the same thing–throwing money into special effects and fight scenes that seem all the same.  And though Hellboy II is based on a comic, you could really see the del Toro style all over it.

But I enjoyed it so much that I felt sad when it was over.  I wish I lived in a magical world.  (And some hot elves around wouldn’t hurt either, ;))  But sadly, I can’t say that I believe that either fairies or elves really exist.  I’m not an atheist, so I don’t believe that our world is strictly WYSIWYG.  There are things out there we definitely don’t understand.  But sometimes it seems that our imaginations are so much more brilliant and creative that what is here now.

Of course, you have to take my background into account.  I was very unhappy with my life for a long while and I retreated into many a fantasy novel to avoid reality.  Some authors are so gifted, they make their vision so real.  And then, you have to put the book down and do the dishes.  Or the laundry.  Or dinner.  I love my family, but some days I feel so normal, so mundane, so damn boring.  Where’s the enthusiasm?  Where’s the joie du vivre?  Is this all there is?  Yes, I have my outward form, my avatar, this Rebekah, but inside I wish to be so much more than this.  Inside, I feel I am so much more this this.  But it is drowned by duty, by fear, by confusion.  After all, what I do with my time is what most of my peers do too.  I work, I come home, spend time with my family (which don’t get me wrong, I totally enjoy that) but where is the real marrow?

Everything ends, and what are you left with?  That’s not meant to be a depressing question.  It’s just that no matter how much I love Leif, that relationship will eventually end, either by divorce, separation, or death.  No matter how much I love Rowan, one of us will die eventually, severing that relationship too.   It is the nature of things to begin, grow, and die.  And we can’t take our bodies or physical possessions either.  So all there is is us.  And I just want to get past the illusion before I die.

The Big Horse Chinese Restaurant

On Thursday I was not having a good day, so we went out to dinner. We went out to P.F.Chang’s and it was pretty fabulous. Last time I was not so impressed, but they were spot on that night. And Rowan actually ate something besides yogurt. I swear, the past two weeks it’s been nothing but yogurt and fruit snacks (if we have them).

I got the wok-seared lamb and I got her shrimp dumplings, because she seems to dig shrimp. Well, she ate those and large quantities of brown rice. Little did I know how much she enjoyed it.

So this past weekend I was out camping with a bunch of women and left my husband and daughter for the weekend. In my absence, they played “The Big Horse Chinese Restaurant.” Here is the copy of the menu:


I guess the restaurant would have been better if there was also the choice of fried mousy and fried kitty.  And yes, Leif drew the menu but the Rowan decided what would be on the menu.